This was not an easy adventure. The amount of research I did into getting married as a Revert, things to watch out for, finding a husband without a Wali ect, really drained me. But there was never an obvious answer. There were a lot of factors that made finding a husband hard for me. The first being that whilst I was looking, Covid lock down started. Which made things a whole lot harder. I didn’t know any imams or pious Muslims that could be my Wali. Really I didn’t know any Muslims.
So first I approached some Muslim match websites (the less popular ones) to try and find a Wali. But when I found out that I had to pay for their services, I quickly realised it was not a good idea. Maybe my trust issues didn’t help. Putting my future spouse choice into someones hands that I don’t even know.
So after trying to find a Wali online, not being able to go to any Masjids as we were in lock down and my fear of older Muslim men. Yes I did have a fear with them as my only interactions with Muslim men so far were from when I asked an imam in a Masjid once if there were any Arabic classes and he was very hostile with me. I became quite scared of approaching imams after that. But don’t worry i’m chill now 😉
I gave up on the Wali idea. I went spouse hunting for myself. I joined a few whatsapp group chats and Muzmatch. I would talk to lots of sisters during my search for a husband and read lots of articles online and I was continuously being discouraged from marrying a non revert. So many articles and people were telling me to join revert matching groups and marry another revert, it’s the only way to be happy.
But I wasn’t convinced. I quickly gave up on the whatsapp groups as random people kept getting my number and messaging me. So I stuck with Muzmatch. It was hard to navigate at first as lot’s of people on there seem to have a Muslim name but not many Muslim qualities. Lot’s of people were asking me inappropriate things and just going about the whole thing in a very unhalal way. I started to get frustrated and came off muzmatch. I just wished I could have a wali so men would treat me with more respect.
I eventually re signed up after making dua to Allah that he be my Wali (I know it’s a silly dua to make as he is everyone’s wali really). I started searching again. I then matched with my now husband, Sultan. We hit it off really well. He wasn’t the most practising Muslim but I knew he cared a lot about God and wanted to change. We were talking for a week, non – stop, and I could already see so many changes in him. So we decided to meet.
Then after three months we got married, alhamdulillah. Together both of our deens seem to grow stronger everyday. What more could you ask for? He really has brought so much light into my life and has helped me become a better person. A way better person. They are the qualities you should look for in a spouse. Do they bring out the best in you? Are they god conscious? Do you enjoy spending time with them? Do they look out for your best interests and will they become a good father in the future? These were the most important things for me and it helped me find Sultan Alhamdulillah.
I hope that you find a pious spouse or find contentment in the marriage that you already have. Ameen.